Miss Liz's Passion Read online

  “What’s wrong with me?” she said, still trying to make sense of Todd’s unexpected arrival.

  “Liz, I have been calling here ever since I dropped you off last night. I thought we ought to talk about what happened. First the phone was busy, then there was no answer. I called all night long.”

  Liz thought of her own sleepless night and decided there was something perverse in a universe that kept two people wide awake and apart, when they could have been doing much more interesting things together. She simply shook her head and waved Todd inside. She headed for the kitchen and left him trailing along behind, dripping all over the tile floor and muttering under his breath. When she’d put the coffee on, she leaned against the counter and regarded him curiously.

  No one had ever worried about her before. Not even Ed, during the three years of their college courtship or the five years of their marriage. He’d thought her capable and confident and had left her to her own devices more often than not. He’d never even opened a door for her after their first date. If Ed had called and no one had answered, he would have shrugged it off. He might have mentioned it later. He might not. There were reasons for his blasé attitude, but she hadn’t known that until later. Much later. Still, it meant she didn’t quite know how to handle Todd’s unexpected and entirely unwarranted protectiveness.

  “Liz, you still haven’t answered me.”

  “I’m not sure I should.”

  “What?”

  “If I explain this time, then you’ll think you had the right to ask. Not that I’m not flattered you were worried, but I’ve been living my own life for a good many years now. I’m not used to having my activities questioned.”

  “Activities?” he repeated blankly. Then, “Activities!”

  She laughed as a crack of thunder seemed to emphasize his indignant expression. “Simmer down, Mr. Lewis. Not those kinds of activities, though that wouldn’t be any of your concern, either.”

  “I’d better sit,” he said, pulling out a chair at the kitchen table. He rubbed his eyes, then ran his hand across the dark stubble that shadowed his face. He was even sexier with the unshaven look. It was odd how that worked, Liz decided. Some men simply looked like bums with a day’s growth of beard. Todd was definitely not one of them.

  “Do you have any idea how worried I was?” he was saying with a touch of asperity.

  She dragged herself back from thoughts of sexy faces, in general, and Todd’s, in particular. “I’m sorry. As you can see, you had no reason to be.”

  “Then why the hell didn’t you answer the phone?”

  He looked so bewildered that she decided to relent. “It was unplugged, at least the one in the bedroom was. I often do that, if I want an uninterrupted night’s sleep.”

  “You get a lot of calls in the middle of the night?”

  “Occasionally the kids like to play pranks, usually when one of them is having a slumber party. They think it’s fun to call the teacher in the middle of the night. Last night was apparently one of those nights. The phone was ringing when I walked in. After two more calls asking whether my refrigerator was running, I decided to pull the plug.”

  “Your refrigerator? Some kid wanted to know about your refrigerator?”

  She chuckled. “Surely, you know that one. They ask if it’s running. When you say yes, they tell you to go out and catch it. It’s as old as the hills. There are more. Want to hear them?”

  “Spare me.”

  She patted him on the shoulder sympathetically as she poured him a cup of coffee. “Maybe after you’ve had some caffeine.”

  “And eggs?” he said, casting a hopeful look at her. “I never did get around to dinner. Or would you rather go out for breakfast?”

  “I’d rather get some sleep,” she said. “But I guess that’s out of the question.”

  The slow, lazy grin he directed at her was pure seduction. His eyes fell to her bare legs that were only minimally covered by the loose-fitting football jersey. “Well…”

  “Never mind,” she said dryly, an unmistakable and infuriating catch in her voice. “I’ll fix eggs. Where’s Kevin?”

  “He spent the night with a friend.” A look of horror spread across his face. “You don’t suppose…”

  Liz chuckled. “More than likely he’s the culprit, or at least a willing coconspirator.”

  “I’ll wring the kid’s neck.”

  “It’s a phase. He’ll grow out of it.”

  “If I decide to let him live that long. It’s inconsiderate.”

  Liz pulled eggs from the refrigerator, along with milk, butter and bacon. “How do you want the eggs?”

  “Done.”

  “Thank you. That’s very helpful. For that you will get one egg scrambled and only one strip of bacon.”

  “I want at least three of each. I’m famished.”

  “Too much fat and cholesterol.”

  “Thanks for worrying.”

  “Don’t mention it.”

  “I’ll settle for two eggs, but I still want three strips of bacon.”

  She shrugged. “They’re your arteries.” She slapped the bacon into the microwave, put the bread in the toaster, then cracked the eggs into a bowl and whipped them with an easy efficiency she thought she’d all but forgotten. Big breakfasts had seemed all too lonely since… She slammed the brakes on the thought.

  When the steaming food was on the table, most of it in front of Todd, she took a deep breath and said, “You want to tell me why you decided it was so important that we talk last night? You’re the one who walked away from my invitation to stay.”

  Todd choked on a bite of egg. Odd, she thought, especially since he was the one who’d brought it up and made it seem so all-fired important. Maybe he didn’t like being reminded of foolish decisions.

  “Now?” he said.

  “It’s as good a time as any.”

  “Okay.” He pushed his plate away and tipped his chair back on two legs. “I wanted to try to understand what’s happening between us.”

  “And you thought that was something we could figure out on the phone in the middle of the night?”

  “We sure as hell can’t seem to do it when we’re together. Every time I’m in the same room with you, all I want to do is make love to you.”

  Liz choked at that. Todd patted her on the back—none too gently—and grinned. “You asked.”

  She cleared her throat. “So I did.”

  “Anyway, I thought we might be able to talk more sensibly on the phone. Then when I couldn’t reach you, I thought you might have been even more upset than I’d realized by what’s been happening. I know it goes counter to your professional ethics. I know I’ve probably been pushing too hard. Last night you admitted that you wanted me, too, and my guess is that that threw you. Then I turned around and rejected your offer. It’s all pretty confusing.”

  “That’s putting it mildly.” She regarded him curiously. “Why are you pursuing this, Todd? Because I’m not available? Is it the challenge?”

  “I quit worrying about making difficult conquests years ago. I leave that to Hank now. He thrives on the chase.”

  “But there must be hundreds of women in Dade County who would kill for the chance to go out with you.”

  “None like you,” he said with what sounded like total sincerity.

  “Please,” she retorted disbelievingly.

  “Liz, you’re beautiful, compassionate, intelligent. Surely I’m not the first man to be attracted to you since your husband died.”

  She shrugged off the compliment, unwilling to let him see that it pleased her. “I’ve been asked out.”

  “Have you gone?”

  “A few times.”

  “Why not more?”

  “No one’s interested me. I’d rather spend the evening with a good book than a lousy date.”

  “But I do?”

  “I haven’t accepted a date with you yet, either,” she reminded him with a teasing grin.

  “Technical
ly. But we do have a way of winding up in each other’s arms. A lot of the best planned dates don’t end up that way. I’ll ask you again, why me?”

  She looked up from her breakfast and met his gaze evenly. The daring glance cost her. She felt instantly mushy and vulnerable. She didn’t like the sensation one bit. That didn’t keep her from admitting honestly, “I don’t know.”

  His smile was rueful. “And I gather you’re not happy about it, either.”

  “Sorry.”

  “So, what are we going to do about it? Last night you were willing to sleep with me. Did that also mean that despite your misgivings you’re ready to see if what we’re feeling is real?”

  “Real?” The very word made her nail-biting nervous.

  “You know, the happily ever after variety of attachment.”

  “There’s no such thing,” she said succinctly and with feeling.

  “I’ll admit I’ve had serious doubts myself, but how do you account for all the couples who make it to their golden anniversary and beyond?”

  “Probably sheer inertia.”

  She caught the momentary shock in Todd’s eyes. His tone more cautious, he said, “And what we’re feeling is…?”

  “Lust,” she said without hesitation. “It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. We don’t have to spend weeks analyzing it to death. It happens to the best-intentioned people. Just remember that lust is like an itch. You scratch it, it goes away.”

  “And if it doesn’t? Does that mean it’s love?”

  She shook her head and said softly, “I think love is a myth.”

  Todd’s chair hit the floor with a resounding crash. “Okay, Liz, where did all that cynicism come from?”

  “Experience,” she said bitterly.

  “But your marriage?”

  “I don’t want to talk about my marriage.” She stood up and began slamming dishes into the dishwasher. She did it with such force she was surprised some of them didn’t break. The fact that she’d opened up this particular can of worms annoyed the dickens out of her. Why hadn’t she turned Kevin’s problem over to a school psychologist or a social worker, anyone? Why had she insisted on getting involved? Because she’d had no idea that Todd Lewis would get under her skin so, that’s why. Now it was too late.

  “I’m sorry you were hurt and I’m sorry if talking about it is still painful, but I don’t think we have any choice,” Todd persisted, ending any hope she had of being able to curtail the subject.

  “Why?”

  “So we can get beyond it. Weren’t you in love with your husband?”

  She frowned, turned on the garbage disposal and let it grind for an unnecessarily long time. When she clicked it off, Todd was still waiting. “You might as well answer,” he said softly.

  “Okay, dammit. Yes, I was in love with my husband.”

  “He didn’t love you?”

  She was flattered by his shocked tone. Suddenly resigned, she found herself letting the words pour out.

  “Oh, I thought Ed loved me,” she said. “Maybe he did at first, while we were still in college and in love with all the possibilities of life. He respected me. He treated me well. Laura and I never wanted for anything that really mattered. There were no huge fights. In fact, there was very little passion, at all.”

  Stacking the pans and utensils in the sink, she tried very hard to keep her tone indifferent, her manner cool.

  “I can’t believe that,” Todd protested. “You’re one hell of a sexy lady.”

  Once more, the compliment seemed to give her the courage to go on. “At the time I would have argued with you,” she confessed. “I thought I was probably frigid, that I didn’t make sex interesting enough. It wasn’t until the day he died that I realized that the reason our relationship was so lukewarm was because Ed had been seeing another woman for almost the entire time we’d been married. Even his family knew it, but none of them told me. When I accused them of covering up for him, they didn’t deny it.”

  He muttered a curse under his breath. “How did you find out?”

  “Laura, our daughter. You know how three-year-olds are. They say the first thing that comes into their heads, even when they’ve been sworn to secrecy.”

  Todd’s shock registered in the widening of his eyes. Honest eyes, eyes that could never conceal secrets. “Your three-year-old child knew her father was having an affair?”

  “She hardly knew the details, but she had met Aunt Caryn. She told me all about her. She had no idea that the woman wasn’t a real aunt or that in telling about her she was tearing out Mommy’s guts. Poor naive Mommy.”

  Todd moved to stand beside her, his expression sympathetic. She couldn’t bear that look. Pity was the last thing she wanted from Todd. She just wanted him to understand why she would never again trust a man, why she didn’t believe in love, why there would never be anything serious or permanent between them.

  “When I confronted Ed, he admitted everything. He said she meant nothing to him, that she was simply good in bed, that I was the woman he wanted to be married to, the woman he wanted as the mother of his children. I guess I was supposed to feel flattered that he trusted me in this important role, sort of a glorified brood mare and hostess for the rising young doctor.”

  “You said you found all this out on the day he died. What happened?”

  “Laura told me all about her Aunt Caryn when she and Ed came home from what was supposed to have been a trip to the grocery store. They’d made a detour by her apartment. Apparently it was her birthday. He’d taken her a diamond necklace.”

  She picked up the skillet in which she’d cooked the eggs and scrubbed it with a vengeance. The scouring cleaned the pan, but did nothing to wash away the memories of her incredulity when she’d discovered the full extent of his treachery.

  “Can you imagine? We were still struggling to pay for Ed’s medical education and his office setup. It was a big deal for me to get a cubic zirconia pendant on our budget and he bought her a diamond necklace.” She slammed the pan in the drainer.

  “So you confronted him.”

  “You bet your life I did.”

  Even now she recalled her fury as she’d cornered Ed in the family room and questioned him until he’d admitted everything about the relationship.

  “Had it been a fling I might have been able to forgive him, but after five years it could hardly be called that. I told him to get out, that I wouldn’t play second best to a whore, that I wouldn’t have a woman like that around my daughter. Do you know he was actually offended that I would call her that? He defended her. Then he went and packed a suitcase. I sat in here with a glass of Scotch, which I hate by the way, and tried to get myself under control.” Her hands stilled in the soapy water. Her voice shook. “It wasn’t until he was out the door that I realized he had Laura with him.”

  If possible, Todd looked even more horrified by that than by anything that had been revealed before. “He was taking your daughter?”

  She nodded and felt the tears beginning to well up. “I tried to go after him, but by the time I grabbed my car keys, he had a pretty good head start. He was always an irresponsible driver and apparently the knowledge that I was coming after him made him even more reckless than usual. I was about a mile from here when I heard the crash.” She buried her face in her still wet hands as the sounds echoed in her memory for the second time that morning. Tears mingled with dishwater.

  “You have no idea what it was like. I knew it was Ed, even before I got to the accident scene. In my heart I knew it. It was as if I’d died.”

  Leaning against the counter, she felt Todd’s arms go around her. She leaned back against the solid comfort of his chest. Her tears flowed unchecked.

  “They were both dead when you got there?” he asked.

  “Laura was. He hadn’t taken the time to make sure she was fastened into her car seat. She’d been thrown from the car. She was just lying there… Oh, God,” she whispered, as the remembered horror engulfed her. “My
baby was just lying there.”

  When Todd turned her around in his arms, she fought to regain control. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I haven’t cried so much over this since it happened.” She had just relived it, again and again, ridden with guilt, convinced that if she’d left it all alone, if she’d ignored Ed’s adultery the way so many other wives did, her baby would still be alive.

  “Maybe you should have cried long ago.”

  She shook her head. “It wouldn’t have changed anything. At least you can see now why teaching is so important to me. It’s all I have left. It’s what I’m suited for. Each year those kids become my family. I won’t do anything to put it at risk.”

  “And you think a relationship with me would do that? Or is it just that you’re afraid to risk another relationship? I know all about fear, Liz. I know what it’s like to be betrayed and angry and determined never to let it happen again. I went through it when my wife left.”

  Her spinning emotions seemed to still as Todd’s words sank in. “Your wife left you?”

  “She didn’t want to be with me. She couldn’t cope with Kevin. I’m just beginning to understand that her complaints about Kevin’s behavior might have had some basis in fact, but I still can’t forget what she did. She abandoned a four-year-old boy.”

  “How horrible. I can’t imagine a woman doing that. I’d give anything, anything, to have my baby back again.”

  “The point is we can’t change the past, Liz. I’m just beginning to see that we have to go forward, to take risks or we might as well give up on life. I’ve protected myself ever since Sarah left, steered clear of emotional involvements, but I can’t seem to do it with you. Maybe that’s the way love works. It slips up on you when you’re finally ready and then there’s nothing you can do to fight it.”

  “This is not love,” she said determinedly. The word terrified her. “It can’t be.”

  He caressed her cheek. The expression in his eyes was gentle and understanding, but equally determined. “Call it whatever you like. All I know is that you’re already in my heart. Now that I’ve found you, I’m not going to let you go. I didn’t want to have these feelings, but I do. I won’t ignore them.”