Edge of Forever Read online

  Ignoring the obvious, she went on determinedly without even taking a breath, “I’m flattered that you feel that way, but it won’t work. I can’t handle an involvement in my life. Not now. Maybe not ever. You’re a virile, exciting man. You deserve more than I can offer.”

  She reached up, wanting to caress his cheek. Nick’s breath caught in his throat, but in the end she drew back. She heard Nick’s soft sigh of regret.

  “Oh, Nick, please try to understand. You have big plans for the rest of your life,” she said. “You can’t put those on hold while you wait for me to see if I can deal with a relationship.”

  “You’re at the center of my plans. Do you want to know what I see when I look at the future? I see you and me together forty years from now. We’re sitting on the porch of that house of mine, looking at the river, talking, sharing, while a dozen grandchildren play in the yard. I see two people with no regrets, only happy memories.”

  Tears glistened in her eyes as she listened to his dream, and her heart slammed against her ribs. She wanted that dream as much as he did. It cost her everything to resist the need to walk into his waiting arms, to kiss him until all of her doubts fled.

  “It’s a beautiful dream, Nick,” she said gently. “I wish I could make it come true for you, but it’s impossible.”

  “You keep saying that, but how can I accept it if you won’t tell me why?”

  “If you care about me as much as you say you do, couldn’t you just accept it for my sake?”

  Nick searched her eyes and Dana fought the desire to look away, to avoid the pain that shadowed those hazel depths. His shoulders slumped in defeat.

  Finally, with obvious reluctance, he asked, “What do you want me to do?”

  Hold me, her heart cried. Fight me on this.

  Aloud all she could say was, “Let me go. Give me some space for now. We can still be friends. Stop by the library if you want, but no more, Nick.”

  “And Tony? Are you planning to cut him out of your life, too?”

  “Of course not. I don’t want to hurt him, Nick. I don’t want to hurt anyone. This is the only way to do that. If we keep seeing each other, Tony will want more for the three of us, too.”

  He gave her a penetrating stare. “What are you afraid of, Dana? Aren’t you really scared that you’ll begin to feel as much for me as I do for you?”

  She met his gaze evenly. “Maybe so,” she admitted candidly.

  She saw the brightening of his expression and was quick to add, “But that doesn’t change anything.”

  Nick sighed heavily. “Okay, sweetheart, you win.” He stood up and dropped a light kiss on her brow. “For now.”

  When he walked away, he didn’t look back.

  Dana watched him go, struck anew by his tenderness, by the gentleness that shone through even when he was frustrated and angry. If she’d ever doubted his love before, she did no longer. That love was strong enough to temper fury, resilient enough to withstand pain. It was a love some women never found, deep and true and lasting.

  And because a love just as powerful was growing inside her, she had to let him go.

  Once again, Nick tried giving Dana the space she claimed to need. In fact, just to prove a point, he gave her even more than she’d bargained for. It wasn’t easy. His body tightened at the memory of her in his arms and he was filled with heated, restless yearnings. If the days were long without the excitement of those midday conversations at the library and the chance meetings around town, the nights were endless.

  Irritated all the time, he’d just finished snapping at one of his employees when the private line in his office rang.

  “Yes, hello,” he barked.

  “Nicholas, dear, I hate to bother you at work, but I need to see you,” Jessica Leahy said, her voice taut. The tension in her greeting was enough to worry him and to temper his tone.

  “Is there some problem, Jess? Is Joshua okay?”

  “Joshua’s fine, but we need to talk.”

  “It sounds urgent.”

  “I think it may be. Could you come by this afternoon?”

  He didn’t hesitate for an instant, despite his recent irritation with Jessica. He’d always loved his wife’s family. They’d begun treating him like the son they’d never had long before he and Ginny had married. Since her death, they had remained close, growing even more so because of Tony. The only time he could ever remember growing impatient with Jessica was on the night of Tony’s birthday party. Thanks to Dana’s insights, he’d even come to understand her uncharacteristic behavior that night.

  “I’ll be there in a half hour.”

  When he arrived, his mother-in-law was sitting on the porch in her favorite rocker staring off into space, the rocker idle. Her figure as trim as a girl’s, she was wearing jeans and a Western-style plaid cotton shirt. But despite the casual attire, every white hair was in place, her makeup flawless. There was a silver tray with a pitcher of iced tea with lemon and mint beside her. She was the picture of serenity, except for one jarring note—she was absentmindedly twisting a handkerchief into knots.

  She watched him come up the walk with troubled eyes. When he’d perched on the porch railing beside her, she poured him a glass of tea and took her time adding the lemon and mint as if she wanted to postpone their talk as long as possible.

  “I know how busy you are, Nicholas, so I’ll get right to the point,” she said finally. “How much do you know about this Brantley woman?”

  Nick flinched at her phrasing. It implied that a judgment had been made, that Dana had been found wanting in some way. He took a slow, deliberate sip of the tea before he spoke. “All I need to know.”

  “I don’t think so,” she said, her tone curt to the point of rudeness. Her shrewd eyes assessed him. “Are you in love with her?”

  “Yes.”

  As if his quick response pained her, she closed her eyes for an instant, then said softly, “I was afraid of that.”

  Nick exhaled sharply. So that was it. She was going to pursue this illogical campaign to discredit Dana in his eyes.

  “She’s a lovely young woman,” he said gently. “I think if you gave her half a chance, you’d like her.”

  “I thought perhaps I could, too, but now I’m not so sure. There are some rumors going around.” At his indignant expression, she held up her hand. “I know, Nicholas. I’m not one for gossip, either, but I think you’d better look into this. If it’s true, then I think you should keep Tony away from her.”

  “What the devil are you talking about?” Nick said, getting to his feet and beginning to pace. The creaking boards under his feet only increased his agitation. He stared at Jessica incredulously. “There couldn’t possibly be anything about Dana that would make me want to keep Tony away from her. She’s absolutely wonderful with him. And he adores her.”

  “I’m very much aware of that. He talks about her all the time. That’s why I’m so concerned. If she’s to be a big influence on his life, I want to be sure she’s a fit person. He’s my only grandson, Nick. I want what’s best for him.”

  “This is ridiculous. Of course she’s fit. How can you even suggest something like that? Is it Ginny? Would you feel the same way about any woman?”

  “Perhaps so, but I like to think not.” Her expression softened and she caught his hand as he stood beside her. “Darling, I’m not just being jealous on my daughter’s behalf. Honestly I’m not.”

  She waved aside his attempt to interrupt. “Wait a minute, please. I know that’s the way it must have seemed the other night. Joshua read me the riot act over my behavior. I don’t need you to do it, too. Ginny would be the first one to want you to be happy again. But if these things I’ve heard about Dana Brantley are true, I don’t think this woman’s the right one for you. If it were just you, perhaps I wouldn’t be so concerned. You’re a grown man. You can make your own choices, your own mistakes. But there’s Tony to consider, too. He’s just an impressionable boy. I should think that would be important
to you, as well.”

  “Dammit, you’re being cryptic, and it’s not at all like you to make judgments about people without giving them a chance. If you think you know something about Dana, tell me.”

  “I don’t know anything. All I’ve heard is the gossip.”

  “Gossip that’s usually nothing but half truths.”

  “An interesting choice of words, Nicholas. Half truths. Don’t you deserve to know if there’s any truth at all to the rumors? Find out about Dana Brantley’s past. That’s all I’m asking you to do. If she has nothing to hide, she’ll tell you and that will be the end of it.”

  Suddenly the secrets and silences came back to haunt Nick. For the first time, he was genuinely afraid. If he probed too deeply, what would he find? Would it be the end for him and Dana?

  Chapter 8

  Thunder rumbled ominously as Nick drove away from his mother-in-law’s house. Dark clouds rolled in, dumping a torrential rain in their wake. Troubled by his meeting with Jessica, Nick went to his favorite spot overlooking the river, parked under a giant weeping willow and sat staring at the water through the rain that lashed at the windshield. Usually the serenity of the Potomac soothed him, but today the storm-tossed water churned in a way that mirrored his emotions.

  Why hadn’t Jessica told him about the rumors and been done with it? But even as he asked himself the question, he knew the answer. She was not the type of woman to spread hurtful gossip. Whatever she’d heard about Dana must have been terribly convincing, and very damning, for her even to mention it. But for the life of him, he couldn’t imagine Dana ever having done something for which she might be ashamed.

  “We all make mistakes,” he muttered aloud, thinking of Dana’s silences. “We all do things we regret.” As wonderful as he thought Dana was, she wouldn’t be human if she hadn’t made some mistakes in her life. Whatever hers might have been, he believed they could deal with them if they could only get them out in the open.

  Dreading the task before him, Nick drove back to his office and called the library. It had been days since he and Dana had talked, and he had no idea what sort of reception she would give him. Dana answered on the fifth ring, her voice breathless and edgy.

  Nick was immediately alert. “Hey, are you okay?” he asked. “Is something wrong?”

  There was a long silence.

  “Dana, what’s going on over there?”

  He heard her take a deep breath, as if she were drawing in the strength to speak.

  “Nothing, Nick,” she said finally. “I’m fine. I was up on a ladder in the back when the phone rang. It took me a minute to get here. That’s all.”

  “I see.”

  This time he was the one who hesitated for so long that Dana eventually asked, “Did you want something, Nick?”

  “Yes. Dana, could I see you tonight? There’s something I think we should talk about.”

  More guarded silence greeted the suggestion. At last, she said wearily, “Nick, we’ve been through everything.”

  “Not this.”

  “No. It’s not a good idea.”

  “Dana, please. It’s important. We could go to a movie.”

  “I thought you wanted to talk.”

  “I do. We can stop for coffee afterward.” What he didn’t say was that he wanted to prolong their time together, that sitting beside her in a movie would at least give him the temporary illusion of the togetherness he’d missed so much. It would also put off a conversation that was likely to have a profound impact on their future.

  “How bad could it be spending a few hours together?” he coaxed. “It’s even that George Clooney movie you’ve been wanting to see. Remember we talked about going?”

  There was a heavy sigh of resignation. “Is this going to be like bingo? Are you just going to badger me until I give in?”

  “Probably.”

  He thought he’d detected a glimmer of amusement in her voice, but it was gone when she answered. “Okay,” she agreed with such obvious reluctance that it hurt as much as an outright rejection.

  “I’ll pick you up at six-thirty,” he said. “We’ll go to the early movie.”

  “Couldn’t I just meet you there?”

  Nick closed his eyes. “Why, Dana? Are you that afraid to be alone with me?”

  There was a sharp intake of breath and this time there was real emotion in her voice. “Oh, Nick, I’m sorry if that’s what it sounded like. Of course I’m not afraid to be with you.”

  “Fine. I’ll pick you up at six-thirty, then.”

  Nick held the receiver for a long time after Dana had hung up, irrationally unwilling to break the connection. From that moment until six-fifteen, when he left his house after showering and shaving and sending Tony off with grandparents, he tortured himself over the questions he’d have to ask. He felt like a traitor for wanting to know about a past Dana clearly wanted to forget. He’d been expecting trust from her. Didn’t he owe her as much?

  When he arrived at her house, he was dismayed to see that the circles under her eyes were darker than ever. Her complexion had a gray cast to it despite the attempt to heighten her color with a touch of blusher. Her slacks hung loose, as if she’d lost weight just since he’d seen her last. Despite his worry, Nick’s pulse raced with abandon. His body tightened and he had to resist the urge to draw her into a protective embrace.

  As they drove through town, she said, “We could skip the movie and just get this over with.”

  He glanced at her, saw again the obvious signs of tension and exhaustion, then shook his head. “No. I think we both can use the relaxation.”

  She shrugged indifferently and settled back in the bucket seat. It took only a few minutes to reach the town’s single theater, but the thick silence between them made it seem like hours. Tension seemed to have wrapped itself around Nick’s neck, cutting off his voice. He was grateful they were a few minutes late and had no time to talk as they found seats in the already darkened theater.

  The movie passed in a blur as his own reel played in his mind. He recalled Jessica’s behavior on the night of Tony’s party and again this afternoon. He had no doubt that her concern was genuine, but he was equally convinced it was unwarranted. Still, with Tony’s welfare at stake, he had no choice but to explore her veiled charges about Dana.

  He gazed at Dana, who sat stiffly next to him, and wondered how things had gone so terribly awry between them. Faced with the uncertainty of their situation, the tension inside him built. He felt as though he were out with a distant stranger, instead of the warm, giving woman with whom he’d fallen slowly but inevitably in love.

  When the lights came up, Dana blinked and Nick realized she, too, had been lost in thought.

  “Maybe we should stay for the next show,” he suggested wryly. “I don’t think either of us saw this one.”

  “I doubt it would help. I think we both have too much on our minds.”

  “Shall we go, then? Maybe we can unburden ourselves.”

  “Talking doesn’t work miracles,” she said with a note of regret.

  “Maybe not, but it’s a start.”

  He got to his feet and Dana followed. As they walked out into the deepening twilight, Nick saw two old friends. He’d known Ron Barlow and Hank Taylor since childhood, and though he had no desire to stop and chat with them now, he felt he couldn’t ignore them.

  “Do you mind, Dana?” he said, gesturing in their direction. “We should go over and say hello. Hank does a lot of subcontracting work for me. Ron is a vice president at the bank. The three of us used to bowl together with our wives when Ginny was alive.”

  “Maybe you should speak to them alone. I might make them uncomfortable.”

  “Don’t be silly. Come on.” He slid an arm around Dana’s waist and steered her in their direction.

  “Hey, Ron. Hank.” He patted Ron on the back and shook hands with Hank. “Did you enjoy the show?”

  “It wasn’t bad,” Ron mumbled awkwardly just as his wife, Lettie, cam
e up and linked an arm through his. She didn’t look at Nick at all, just whispered to Ron and hurried him away before Nick could even introduce Dana. Hank and his wife followed, though Hank shot a look of regret over his shoulder as they left.

  “I don’t understand,” Nick apologized, staring after them in confusion. He gazed into Dana’s eyes and saw the hurt she was trying so hard to cover. He searched for an explanation that made sense. “Maybe they’re like Jessica. Maybe they’re thinking about Ginny.”

  “Maybe so,” Dana said tiredly.

  The whole thing was a thoroughly disconcerting experience for a man who’d always made friends easily and usually commanded fierce loyalty from all who knew him. But tonight it was as though he and Dana were being intentionally shunned without knowing what they had done to deserve it.

  No, he reminded himself. Dana might very well know why attitudes had changed so abruptly. Jessica certainly thought she did. That was what this evening was all about: putting an end to the secrets and evasions.

  Even though she might know the cause, Dana seemed every bit as disturbed as he was by the whispers and covert examinations.

  “Shall we stop by Gracie’s for coffee and pie?” he suggested.

  “No. We can talk just as well at my place,” she said, staring after a woman who’d just ignored her greeting. It was evident to Nick that she didn’t want to deal with another such rejection. By the time they got back to her house, she was badly shaken. He would have felt better if she’d simply been angry. Instead, she acted as though there was no fight left in her.

  She poured them both a glass of iced tea, but her hand was trembling when she handed Nick his. Then she took up pacing around the kitchen. At last she asked, “Am I crazy or were people avoiding us tonight? Not just those two couples but everyone?”

  “I’m sure it was just your imagination,” he said, but his voice lacked conviction.

  “What about your imagination? Was it getting the same impression?”